Lotho clung to the shadows and watched them pass: Frodo
and his gardener walked side by side, pace impossibly quick against the
thick current of dusk. From his vantage point behind a covered vendor's
stand, Lotho caught a clear glimpse of their faces before they reached the
bridge. Frodo's eyes were fixed on Sam; he seldom glanced ahead. Sam
gripped Frodo's hand reassuringly, the gesture a gentle swaying between
them. His free hand held a pale linen napkin to his lip.
"Sod off, Jolly! Ain't yer wife home wonderin'?"
"You may be a right fool, Ted, but you're hurt bad. No matter that you
had it com-"
"You-let-go!" Ted hissed. Lotho shivered at the sound of a
startled cry and a body hitting the ground. "You heard me! Off with
you-all of you!"
"But you can hardly see through-"
"I'll tell you what I can see and what I can't! Now, get him up and
gone before…"
Lotho leaned back against the rough planking and closed his eyes. Ted's
voice was rough, wild. But he had heard pain in it. If what Jolly said was
true, Ted's brow must be split. Or worse-
"You're a loon, Sandyman," Lotho heard Jolly declare weakly, and a
moment later, the whole pack of them scurried past. Lotho hunched down
further in his cloak, though his chances of being spotted by that drunken
lot were less than his chances had been with that infernally wary
Brandybuck. Lucky for Lotho, Frodo only had eyes for-
"You," Ted hissed, sending chills down Lotho's spine, even
though he had not drawn any nearer. "I know you're hidin' somewhere. The
minute those louts are out o' sight, you get yer sorry arse over-"
"Here," Lotho croaked, propelled forward as if by the sheer force of
Ted's will. "I'm here…you know I wouldn't…"
Lotho's breath died on the faint stir of the breeze. He had not
expected to see such a thing, and shock drew him on all the faster, until
he stood next to the figure crouched and half bent forward in the dust.
Shaking.
"Close enough, Lotho-lad," Ted laughed. His tone was strange. "The last
thing I need's you passed out colder'n stone, what when I can't-"
Lotho swallowed hard. Even in the darkness, a dark stain stood out
plain as day against the eerie white of Ted's sleeve. "You're bleeding,"
Lotho whispered. He had to force the words.
Ted laughed again, this time more of a grunt. "Aye, and since you're
still standin', do somethin' quick, or I'll just keep on-"
Choking on something that tasted half like anger and half like pity,
Lotho cried, "Be quiet, then, and let me!"
Ted groaned again, but he did not respond.
Lotho sank beside Ted, placing a tentative hand between his shoulder
blades. In this condition, he seemed oddly helpless. Harmless, even.
"Don't tell me yer afraid to touch," Ted sneered, "what with where you
put those pretty hands earl-"
"I said, quiet," Lotho breathed shakily, slipping his arm firmly
about Ted's shoulders. The memory hadn't done much to restore the
composure that he wasn't even certain he'd had in the first place. "Now,
put your arm around my n-yes-now, up…"
Lotho staggered under Ted's weight, but between the two of them, they
managed to stumble to their feet. Lotho breathed out, wordless relief, and
turned his head. And stared.
Ted's eyes were clenched, impossibly tight. Lotho couldn't breathe as
he raised a hand to brush at the air spare inches from the crusted, darkly
glistening line of Ted's left eyebrow. His eye was covered, and
about the abrasion, swelling had already set in. Lotho gasped, letting his
fingers drop to a new discovery. Ted's nose-
Ted rasped, "Don't touch-"
"I wasn't," Lotho murmured, drawing his hand away quickly. "But once I
get you home, I'll have to-"
Ted burst out in a guffaw, the sound strong despite his distress. "Just
listen t'you, a regular mummy hen-"
Lotho scowled and lifted his hand dangerously close. Much to his
surprise, Ted whimpered and turned away, then growled, as if he hadn't
intended to let such a sound escape. Lotho permitted himself a smirk; all
the better, since Ted could hardly see. He set off at a determined pace.
Ted lurched along with a grunt of protest.
"It's…It's back to the mill with you, so not another word…"
Of course, Ted gritted out several, but Lotho found it easier than
usual to ignore them. They made quick enough progress; if anything, a sort
of growing excitement in Lotho fueled it. If he had this chance to tend
Ted while he had no choice, then perhaps…
Lotho tucked the hope safely away and concentrated on the gleam of
moonlight off the millpond just up ahead. They rounded the curve of water
with only a few stumbles through the marshy moss, and finally, they
reached the Sandymans' back door. It was a humble place, but a solid one,
and Ted's old Dad slept more soundly than the thick rafters in his loft.
They found Ted's room soon enough, tucked as it was back behind the
kitchen and a solid oak door. Lotho didn't hesitate to sit Ted down on his
bed and continue to deal out tentative orders.
"Good. If you can get that shirt off while I-"
"Bleedin' mummy hen!" Ted chortled, and followed immediately with a
groan and a heavy shifting on the mattress.
Lotho turned to find Ted sprawled on his back, one arm draped loosely
across his eyes. Lotho risked another scowl and approached Ted with his
hands on his hips. "And I suppose you've forgotten that you're the
one who's…"
Ted groaned a second time, almost pitifully, though Lotho knew better
than to point that out. Lotho's brow softened as he reached down to pull
Ted's arm away, and Ted did not resist. A bit of blood still trickled from
his nose, which was quite swollen, but his hideously purpled (at least
where the blood hadn't touched) forehead appeared to have let up.
Lotho grimaced, resolve wavering. How was he supposed to touch-
"If you don't do somethin' soon, Lotho-lad," Ted grumbled, slitting his
eyes, "I reckon I'll have to show you what your poor Ted's-"
"That won't be necessary," Lotho reassured him hastily, backing towards
the door. "Even if you can't…"
But the thought died on Lotho's tongue as he slipped shaking into the
kitchen, closing the bedroom door behind him. Oh, what had he been
thinking? That kindness would earn him an easier time of it when…
Fool, Lotho told himself, and he felt the sting of tears. If he
believed that, then he deserved every mark on his body, and every
mark yet to come. They were tolerable, he reasoned-at least after the
fact. At least someone wanted…
Lotho set about finding some rags (under the washbasin in a wooden
pail, most of them worn and stained; he chose the two cleanest that he
could find, sniffing in disgust) and filling a bowl with water (kept in a
basin in the opposite corner-dull-looking and likely pulled up daily from
the well). It was the best that Lotho could do. He maneuvered his way back
to the bedroom cautiously. The bowl balanced nicely on his hip, rags
swimming aimlessly through its contents.
"It's about time," Ted grunted, shifting to sit up a bit, squinting to
see what Lotho had brought in.
"Lie back," Lotho said absently, poking at the rags with his index
finger. "You can't expect me to do this if you won't cooperate."
"Fine last words," Ted grumbled, but he flopped back almost
immediately, arms flung out and eyes closed.
Lotho sighed in relief, realizing he'd missed something. "Just half a
moment more, I ought to put some water on the fire and find you…er,
something."
"S'in the breadbox."
It would be, Lotho thought, and returned soon enough with a
bottle of some darkish wine, leaving a kettle to heat behind him. Lotho
managed to get the bottle uncorked, and Ted sad up straight at the sound,
though he choked back a cry of pain.
Before Lotho knew it, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, easing Ted
to lie back propped against some lumpy pillows (at least they had been so
under Lotho's featherdown-accustomed head). Lotho didn't protest when Ted
grabbed the bottle of wine and drank down the remaining half in a handful
of swallows. He dropped it on the coverlet, heedless of the bit that
leaked out, leaving a dark stain amidst much lighter ones. Lotho retrieved
the bottle quickly and dropped it on the floor. And looked up hastily.
"I'm going to clean you off a bit now."
Ted nodded noncommittally as Lotho got up to fetch the bowl. Ted
flinched a bit at the touch of the first rag, but whether it was from pain
or the coolness of the water, Lotho couldn't be sure-he kept his touch as
gentle as he could muster it, especially against the sudden desire to
press hard and fierce. It's your chance for that, too, something
inside him whispered. You could cause him more pain than he's yet given
you, and you'd have no need of an excuse.
Lotho shook himself and continued dabbing the dried blood away. He
moved cautiously away from Ted's nose-which, he could reason, was probably
broken-and on to his left brow. The first rag was already stained pink; a
single swipe across Ted's eyelid, and it darkened to a light red. Lotho
dipped the rag to rinse it as best he could, and upon applying it over the
split flesh itself, he was startled by a plaintive whimper.
"Notlikethat," Ted croaked, catching his wrist.
Lotho pulled free of his grip, which wasn't as strong as usual. "How
else am I supposed to?"
Ted gave a soft hmph, and, much to Lotho's surprise, locked his
hands atop his abdomen, fingers laced tightly. "Get on with it," Ted
gritted out, opening his eyes just long enough to glare.
Lotho swallowed and continued. True to his unspoken promise, Ted didn't
lash out or speak again, not even when Lotho passed directly over the
wound itself. Lotho looked down and saw that Ted's knuckles had gone
nearly bloodless. He swallowed and drew the cloth away, felt that a fine
sweat had broken out on his own forehead.
He hasn't hurt you as badly as this. And look at who's done it to
him.
Lotho dropped the cloth back into the water and rose quickly, body
gripped by a wave of unexpected anger. That insolent Gamgee. Sharing
Frodo's table and bed and Eru knew what else…
"Lotho-lad?"
Lotho froze-Ted's voice was quiet, husky. Almost like…
"I'll be back…hot water…"
Lotho was gasping this time, couldn't think as he shut the door behind
himself a second time. He could leave now-he really could.
Before…before you make silly promises of vengeance and spend another
night away from home, or get yourself a few more bites and bruises…
"He's not well enough," Lotho muttered aloud, and used another of the
rags to pull the kettle off the fire. And his Dad would never…
Lotho abandoned the thought; this was taking him places that he didn't
wish to visit. Instead, he let himself into the bedroom a last time,
finding that Ted had fallen asleep. Lotho stood watching for a few
moments, uncertain-
You could leave. Now.
Lotho stepped up beside the bed, set the kettle on the battered little
chest of drawers right next to it. He bent and took one of the rags up
from the bowl and squeezed it as dry as he could. Made sure it was wadded
up well enough before he poured a bit of hot water, hissing when it
touched his fingers through the cloth.
You could still-
"AUGH! Of all the-"
"L-Lie still," Lotho stammered, pressing down lightly against Ted's
brow with the steaming cloth.
"Yer Mum must've learned the most foolhardy…"
"I don't know what Mum knows, seeing as she never had to treat me for
this sort of thing," Lotho pointed out sourly, finding that the last of
the blood came away much easier with water of this temperature. Lady, but
it was an ugly wound.
"Heh."
There was amusement in Ted's tone, but no malice. At least not yet.
Lotho cleared his throat. "I suppose your…your father never…either."
"Aye, no," Ted sighed with a roll of his shoulders that Lotho supposed
could pass for a shrug. "I was fendin' for myself, mostly."
Lotho finished dabbing and dropped the rag into the bowl. I've never
had to, he thought, but dared not speak it. He just nodded, brushed at
his hair absently with the back of his hand. Ugh, he needed to wash-
"Goin' somewhere?" Ted asked, a note of something that made Lotho
squirm rising in his voice.
Lotho sat back down. "No, I just…my cloak-"
"Oh, Mordor take your bloody cloak. S'warmer'n these here blankets, and
heaven knows, you'd go freezin' if not for me."
Lotho stiffened and made to rise again; Ted caught him by the wrist.
Firmly.
"Don't think I ain't cold once in a while, Lotho-lad."
You could-
"Everyone is," Lotho replied and sat down, shaking. He leaned low as
Ted tugged at his wrist, reaching up with his other hand to roughly caress
Lotho's cheek.
"Even that wretched cousin o' yours?"
"Evidently, though, till now, he seemed to live by it," Lotho scoffed,
and the anger came flooding back. That Gaffer's ignorant…
Lotho closed his eyes as Ted kissed him, swallowed a whimper at the
faintly metallic taste of Ted's bite at his lower lip.
II.
Dawn
Sam had always considered himself a sound sleeper, and
by all accounts, that was true. Even by his Gaffer's-"Why, he sleeps sound
as you please, does my Sam. It'd take twice the likes o' Mr. Bilbo's
dragon to wake him, and those clatterin' dwarfs besides. But, you mark me,
he wakes early as you please with nary a cock-crow t'see to it!" To the
likes of which Sam usually took a long swig of ale and waited for the
guffaws to die down. Of course, a few claps on the back were small things
to endure for another ale on the house.
Now, sharing a bed-with Frodo, no less-well, that changed a few things.
On those nights, Sam noticed, it was harder to fall asleep as quickly as
usual, but for the cause, he could hardly complain. Frodo liked to nestle
up close, front to front, and tuck his head into the curve of Sam's neck.
It took a bit of adjustment, no mistake; Sam was quite used to sprawling
on his back, one arm or the other flung up as he pleased. But Frodo liked
to be wrapped in them, so that ruled out another familiar habit.
Again, not that Sam had any objections to forming new ones. It simply took
some getting used to.
Once they got to sleep, it was yet another matter. Frodo was prone to
shifting now and again, sometimes murmuring or even crying out, depending
on the dream. And, well, depending on the dream, sometimes both of them
ended up awake (and thoroughly drowsier afterward). Regardless, however
small the movement, Sam found himself awakened with every sense alert. And
when he thought about it, he decided he'd accept no less of himself.
If Frodo slipped out of bed, it was generally for mundane things-a
drink, a trip to the privy, an extra blanket to wrap them in. Sam did
those things himself, and each had no more mind to stir for the other
beyond a blind murmur, a kiss on the lips, an I'll be right back.
It registered, therefore, with no small amount of shock when Frodo
slipped out of bed that morning as early as Sam usually rose, and did none
of those small, reassuring things. Awake though Sam was, a pleasant
heaviness still held him, and, supposing that Frodo didn't wish to wake
him (and for once having no desire to do so), he lay still and waited for
Frodo's footsteps to clear the room.
They didn't. In fact, they seemed to go no further than a few paces
beyond the bed. Sam heard the soft rustle of papers, an almost
imperceptible click. He opened his eyes, and just as he was about
to call softly…
Frodo was bent over something atop the small desk. Whatever it was, his
hands obscured it, and he stared down at it with such strange intensity
that it was several moments before Sam gathered his thoughts and parted
his lips again-
Even sidelong as he was watching, face half buried in a pillow besides,
Sam saw Frodo smile. And that gentle sway of Frodo's body, just the
sparest shifting from one foot to the other-
Sam closed his eyes just as Frodo turned. A few seconds more, and the
return of Frodo's weight on the mattress set Sam's heart to racing. What
had he seen, then? Some private ritual of Frodo's? Something that Bilbo
had left him, perhaps, that he only dared glimpse in secret? Since the
party, Frodo had been like that with his grief-one show that he considered
excessive had been enough. Perhaps it was that ring, and perhaps he'd
finally found it in his heart to laugh at Bilbo's jest-
Sam could feel Frodo's labored breathing, almost nervous, as
Frodo slid one hand beneath his neck with infinite care. Something smooth
and cool followed in its wake, serpentine and slim against his neck. Sam
took a fine chill at the touch of some metal, and heard Frodo hold his
breath until he supposed that Sam's minute stir had passed. Frodo let his
breath out again, and his other hand slid up gently, meeting the first
just at the nape of Sam's neck. More coldness about the other side; if Sam
had been free to, he would have frowned.
A chain?
Sam fought another shiver, this one much more insistent, as Frodo's
fingers slid back around, pulling something along that made a soft
hiss against the chain, and made Sam flinch inwardly as Frodo's
hand pressed it carefully to his heart, then let go. It made a gentle drop
from there to the sheets, still bound to him by what he was then
certain had to be a chain. There was nothing else for it, oh, and
then Frodo snuggled back down as if nothing had happened, and the cold,
hard thing that had hit the mattress found a place between them.
Sam let Frodo settle again (there it was, late in coming: just the
softest kiss at his earlobe), let Frodo's breathing slow into light,
restful sleep before forcing his eyes wide open. Dawn spilled a hazy gray
through the curtains above them; Sam could see one side of the room, but
not before he could see a pale blur of pillowcase and a wisp of Frodo's
hair that had ventured past its usual place at his cheek. Between them,
that strange cold something had lost some of its intensity.
What in Elbereth's name was he wearing?
Some kind of necklace, Sam reckoned. He couldn't easily shift Frodo
away to investigate. For one thing, Frodo had taken Sam's arms and
situated himself in them as usual, and Sam had obliged reflexively. For
another thing, Frodo obviously intended for this to be a surprise. Either
that, or some kind of fooling. Sam tilted his head until Frodo's soft
curls and the faint trace of violet soap were all he had to think by.
Not likely that ring, then-a relic from Mr. Bilbo's adventure, it was,
and that was just too personal to be given up, or joked with. Sam pressed
Frodo a bit closer, was rewarded with a bit of nuzzling and a sleepy sigh
that sounded of his name. Sam furrowed his brow, concentrating on that
thing between them, now a bit more clearly defined. It was too large to be
a ring, and definitely too solid. And it had mostly taken on the warmth of
their skin, and shape too readily eluded him.
Being a practical hobbit, Sam decided that, what with another hour or
so of sleep imminent and Frodo tucked in his arms, that whatever-it-was
could just wait…
* * *
Frodo couldn't.
How was he supposed to sleep, knowing what he'd just done? How was he
supposed to explain it, once Sam woke? Half a dozen things that Frodo
hadn't considered on rising wasted little time in rushing down upon him,
once he'd gotten settled again.
Just go back to sleep.
Frodo closed his eyes and sighed, buried his face against Sam's neck.
He breathed in deeply, half wishing Sam were awake. He smelled wonderful,
comforting: of sweat and sleep, faint traces of scented oil and their
loving the night before. Frodo liked that best of all-detectable proof
that he was as much a part of Sam as Sam was a part of him. Frodo moved
closer, drew his lips gently away from the place that he'd kissed. If he
went on thinking like this, Sam would wake whether he wished it or not.
Fine, then, Frodo would sleep. He would sleep until Sam stirred with a
mumble against his forehead, until the warm, strong body cradling his own
shifted enough to realize that something lay between them, until…
Frodo bit his lip. Oh, none of this was helping.
Sam stirred briefly in his sleep, a reflexive flinch, nothing unusual.
Though, the effect it had on Frodo was hardly unusual. He breathed out
softly in surrender and hooked a leg cautiously around Sam's hip. Frodo
wouldn't wake him, couldn't, not after what he'd been through the
night before, and certainly not after the overwhelming experience
following. No wonder Sam hardly stirred! Frodo couldn't blame Sam any more
than he could ignore what he wanted to do with the rest of the morning. If
Sam woke to Frodo like this, then maybe he wouldn't need words at
all-
Another flinch, this time Sam's stomach. Frodo bit back something
fairly nonsensical and pressed up for relief, however fleeting. He would
not wake Sam so long as he slept this soundly, he…
Was utterly terrified, and aroused out of his mind besides. Frodo
closed his eyes tighter and prayed for either sleep or for Sam to shift
his weight just a bit too far to the left.
* * *
A game's a game, but you've gone far enough. Put him out
of his misery before you're no better off yourself!
Sam had dreamed about this sort of thing since…well, since when, he'd
never permitted himself to measure, at least not until Frodo's quiet
glances had blossomed into something louder than his Gaffer's early
crocuses. Sam held his breath and swore he'd never find a growing thing
brighter than those eyes, never. And that he'd see to it they had
mornings like this, and ones completely different, and ones he hadn't even
gotten to thinking up yet. So far as he'd thought this one up, it was
about time it happened.
As if sensing his thoughts, Frodo shifted again, and that warm nudge
against his belly was nigh enough to send a hobbit with any sort of sense
into fits.
Sam stretched, careful to keep his eyes closed, and rolled over Frodo
with a sleepy huff as his face met with pillow and curls. Frodo stiffened
under him with a soft cry, and it was only a moment before he went pliant
again, breath coming much too fast as he renewed his hold. Sam blinked
into the pillow, dazed for a moment, fighting a moan that rose in answer.
If he don't know I'm awake by now, I ought to pinch him.
A few moments of stillness, silence. Sam felt Frodo's heartbeat wild
against his chest, fit to outrace his own. A few moments, too, to take
Frodo in a bit at a time. Fingers trying very hard to stay relaxed on
Sam's shoulders. Breath fluttering at his ear, soft, steady beats of
feathery heat that said Sam and ah by turns. Too soft,
far too soft.
Let me hear you, Frodo-love.
Sam turned his head against the pillow so that his lips brushed Frodo's
cheek. Frodo let go of another cry, this one softer. And it was his name,
which was of course what Sam had wished for, and that deserved more
compliance. He slid just a bit lower, and suddenly, Frodo's fingers
weren't trying so hard to be gentle anymore.
"Sam…"
Frodo's whisper was barely there. Sam went still again, running the
breath over once, twice in his mind. So timid-Frodo really seemed to
think…
He's a courteous one, your Mr. Frodo, ain't nothin' going to change
that, 'cept maybe a bit too much ale and heartache . So you'd better-
"Mmm?" Sam responded softly, burying his face again to hide a smile.
Frodo's fingers skated down the length of his back, fast and shaky. Sam
feigned another drowsy murmur and let his hands speak for him, tugging
Frodo's legs up gently by the crooks of his knees. This time, one of the
ahs came clear. Sam dipped his head for an aimless nip at Frodo's
neck. Frodo bucked up with a short, hissing breath.
Sam nuzzled some more, as if to indicate waking. He shivered as the
pendant-or whatever it was-took a slither backwards from where it had
settled on Frodo's shoulder, and wetness tickled his navel. With that, Sam
found that he couldn't think other than to shift and find the soft crease
of Frodo's thigh and press just there while he was at it, and sure
as anything Frodo clung and sobbed and fought release with frantic
movements that went still with his shout as a second wave hit. Sam picked
up where Frodo ended, then, and for the first time lifted his head as it
took him, too, and for a moment he held Frodo's shattered praise on his
lips until his own voice surged up to wash it under.
* * *
As soon as Frodo's wits found something worth latching onto
beyond those wet, lazy kisses and the slow recovery of his limbs, he found
a fleeting memory of nervousness and something vaguely heavy grazing his
shoulder. Something unlike Sam's fingers splayed on his cheeks, something
unlike the way they slid up and through the mess of his hair as if it were
fine silk. Frodo slid one hand up Sam's back with an effort until his
fingers were likewise tangled, and held Sam's head as still as he could.
Frodo caught Sam's lower lip between his teeth. "Sam-"
"Oh, g'morning to you, too," Sam mumbled affectionately. "Begging your
pardon, but I meant to do this all day-mmm-"
Frodo drew his other hand up and fumbled over his shoulder, taking
advantage of Sam's renewed fervor. He held the pendant against his palm
and slid it flat up against Sam's cheek. He wished his fingers wouldn't
shake so. Sam would wonder…
Frodo pulled away gently, tried for a look of mischievous reproach. "I
should like to know where you got this. Did you honestly think that if you
kissed me senseless, I wouldn't notice?"
Sam pulled his fingers from Frodo's hair and molded them over Frodo's
hand at his cheek, brow furrowed. "Seems I've a secret admirer, sir. An' I
figured you wouldn't take well to knowin' he seems as clever a burglar as
Old Mr. Bilbo ever was, but th'other way around."
Sam Gamgee, you're the worst…
"You knew?" Frodo whispered, easing his hand away slowly, folding the
pendant into Sam's fingers with his own.
"I don't rightly know what it is," Sam mused, laying his palm
out flat, studying the jewel thoughtfully. It winked bright sapphire even
in the wan light, as if lit with secrets within. "But mayhap I know how it
got here."
"You'll never sleep soundly again," Frodo sighed ruefully. "I'm-"
Sam's eyes were grave, pensive. "If I wore…t'explain this, I don't…oh,
Mr. Frodo, I ain't some lass, as pretty as you pl-"
"You please me well enough," Frodo murmured, and reminded Sam of what
he had a mind to do all day, and just how he ought to go about-
…and I love you for it.
~finis~